I-It's finally done! The final chapter of my Spamano fic is done. Now if you'll excuse me, I'd like to sulk in my emo corner now please //*sniff sniff*// I hate myself for having to do this. ;;___;;
BUT!!!!!!!!
Here's the thing: I've got something in mind. //*cough* sequel *cough*// But I'm not sure if I should go through with it cause I'm very much satisfied with how this ended..oh dear, please excuse me. //*obnoxious nose blowing*// So tell me what you think guys! Comment or message or gimme at least 25 kudos if you think I gotta do what I'm planning.
Also, despite me saying I'm happy how this turned out, I still have much to learn and I can only learn if I receive structured comments about my work. Imagine yourself as my prof and me the lagging student in class. Critique my work as harshly as you can and I will respond to that to the best of my abilities.
To those who have read this far and to those who gave it a try and are thinking of giving my work a try, all the same, you are all beautiful beings. Don't forget that //*wink*// So much love to you all!
I think I've said enough. NOW! Onto the Chapter! <3
-Chien
“Oi!?” The loud yet muffled squeal of Lovino’s outcry made the others downstairs swivel their heads towards the direction of Lovino’s floor.
“Haha! Man, that Lovino sure can yell! Yeah! Here’s to New Year, Lovino!”
“Liz, shouldn’t we go check on them?” The Austrian turned to the Hungarian with an obvious look of concern. Elizabeth, who was engrossed in her drink, didn’t seem to mind.
“Leave them alone, Roderich. They’re probably patching things up over there.” she said before taking another sip of her beer. Roderich stared at her in question. What was there to patch about? He thought. His eyes move away from the girl and returned them to the Italian’s floor, deciding whether to go up there or not when a heavy tug from the Prussian brought him straight to the dance by the town square.
Back inside the apartment, the hallways and rooms were empty except for the two misplaced gentlemen on floor 2. “Dammit, Tonio. Have you forgotten how heavy you are?” he grunts. “This would be so much easier if you had just moved your damn garden in the ACTUAL garden.” More grunting sounds escaped the young man’s lips as he moved the Spaniard towards the end of the hallways, continuously mumbling at how the Spaniard always caused trouble for him.
The gap between their rooms had widened a little bit over the past year due to a few malfunctioning wires and drainage pipes in Antonio’s room. When the techs came over to check them out, they found field gerbils and a few eggs all over the place. All eyes turned to Antonio’s mini garden out on his balcony. While it was a mystery as to how those creatures had entered the water stream, management had decided to move Antonio to a place insusceptible to any entrance of any other creatures. As a result, the once 'two-room gap' between the two widened to an 'end of the hallway' gap and the techs changed the course of the water pipes so the water flowing to the different rooms wouldn’t have a trace of the foreign creatures. The garden stayed as it was impossible to move all that dirt to so Antonio would still be around the old room to tend to his ‘piccolovini’ or “little Lovino’s. Lovino blew a fuse after finding out why he called them that way until he just got used to the idea of round juicy red tomatoes being named after him and (in Italian no less).
They reached Antonio’s room and Lovino started feeling the former’s pockets for his room keys. When he realized it wasn’t in any of his pockets, he decided to go upstairs and grab the spare keys from the administrator’s office but stops when he sees a faint light coming from the small crack between the door and the door frame. Lovino sighed at the usual blunder of Antonio forgetting to even close the door of his own room. He pushed the door open and moved the heavy Spaniard safely inside before closing the door behind him. He grumbled first in complete disbelief at the Spaniard’s weird taste for interior decoration then shakes his head and tells himself to think about the incapacitated Spaniard at his feet.
The layout of the apartment rooms were all relatively the same for every room so it didn’t take long for Lovino to locate the bedroom where he literally just threw the Spaniard in. Even that didn’t get him to wake up. Lovino then set to prepare the things to clean Antonio up. Despite being the blunderhead he always was, he seemed prepared for emergency cases like this, which of course made it easier for Lovino to get everything done.1 While in the middle of making soup, footsteps were heard coming from the bedroom which meant the Spaniard had roused from his sleep.
“Don’t come near me, bastard. I might burn you or something.” he said, not looking up from the pot of bubbling soup.
“Is that my Lovi?” Antonio replied in a dazed tone. “Is this a dream? Lovi’s cooking for me, I’m so happy~!” Without a sound, arms engulfed the Italian from behind. Lovino paid it no heed and continued silently stirring the bright red soup. Antonio’s face fell. He held the shorter man tighter and buried his face on one of his shoulders. “Hey Lovi. Talk to me.” he said in tone already inaudible.
Silence.
“Scold me. Be annoyed with me.” the gurgling of the liquid was all he heard in return. “Please don’t be mad at me.” Antonio’s voice was quivering now. “I won’t leave tomato juice whenever I want. I’ll ask you first. I don’t like you not talking to me, Lovi. Not you.”
Lovino remained indifferent to the taller man. This Antonio felt and slowly let him go. Lovino, after a few seconds, broke the silence by telling him to go grab a seat. Antonio humbly obeyed. After a while, Lovino joined him at the table with a tray of steaming hot tomato soup and a cup of brewed coffee.
“It’s hot. You might burn your tongue so blow, okay?”
“S-si.”
Lovino hung his head and said nothing. All that was heard between them was the flow of water from the faucet and the clanking of plates and stainless steel. He took off the apron and proceeded to leave the Spaniard’s room.
“Get more sleep okay?” he said without making eye contact with Antonio. “I’ll take a picture of the fireworks or something if that’ll make you happy. See you around, bastard.”
He had already gotten a hold of the knob when another hand was on top of his. “O-Oi...” his voice quivered to a point where it was a miracle he had gotten those words out of him. Antonio’s other hand kept the door in place by pushing it outwards, making it impossible for the Italian to open the door. “What do you think you’re doing, bastard?” Lovino tried to push the Spaniard back, but it was no use. It was like the Spaniard had latched his whole weight upon the door.
“Won’t you stay, Lovi? It’s so lonely being alone on New Year’s Eve.” Antonio whimpered in a tone as if he was begging. He lowered his hands to his sides and shut his eyes while we stood in wait for the sound of the door opening and shutting at his face, forever separating him from the Italian. “I’m sorry. Don’t mind it. You can go. H-Happy...New Year.”
This isn’t going too well for me, Lovi. Leave before you see the un-Antonio side of me.
“What is this, bastard?” Lovino said in a small tone, his eyes looking down at his feet.
Antonio hesitantly raised a hand and held him by the chin, lifting Lovino’s gaze back to him.“Look at me, Lovi. You’re so cute when you’re shy.” he brought his hands to Lovino’s cheek and caressed it. One of his fingers hovered under his eye. “You have such beautiful eyes, mi amor."
“Stop calling me that.” the heat from Antonio’s touch was unbearable despite the sharp cold of December.
He rested his head on the shorter man’s shoulder.“You’re not struggling anymore, Lovi. I’m glad.” I’m glad you stayed.
“Shut up.”
“Hey, can we stay like this for a bit?”
“Can’t we at least sit on the couch? I had to carry you all the way here.”
“You could have just brought me to your room.”
“Shut up. I panicked.”
Antonio chuckled. “Okay let’s sit on the couch.”
Without letting go of his hand, Antonio went into the kitchen and took out a wine bottle. Lovino stared at the Spaniard who was clumsily cutting the cheese with only one hand. He breathed a deep sigh. “Let me go.”
“What? But you said...!”
“I won’t run away. So cut the cheese with both hands, will you? I’ll pour the wine for us.”
Antonio looked at him, conflicted at what to do. “You promise you won’t run away?”
“I promise.”
Antonio let him go in surrender. Only after his hand was released did he realize how tight Antonio had held him.
“Lovi?”
He snapped out of his reverie and came into contact with those dazzling emerald eyes. “Right. The wine.” he moved to the cupboard and grabbed the nearest wine glasses he could find. While he worked, he could feel the Spaniard’s eyes follow him making him red to the tip of his ears.
“...you’re not leaving?”
“Do you want me to?” He had meant it as a joke but at this, Antonio was quick to grab him again, making Lovino nearly spill the wine over the counter.
“Oh what the--”
“Please don’t! Don’t go Lovi!”
All desire to tell off the Spaniard vanished just like that. He relaxed in the hold then patted the other's arms. “Relax, bastard. I won’t. Now get back to the cheese. Go on.”
“O-okay. Gracias, Lovi.” he said with a smile. Lovino tried to return it with even just the sliver of a smile, but for some reason, it just wouldn’t come to him. He just went back to preparing.
After getting their snacks ready, they moved the couch to a spot near the window to an angle that would give them the best view of the fireworks then they sat in silence while ‘cuddling’ which was just Lovino wrapped around one arm of Antonio as they sipped from the wine and cheese.
Lights played outside the window and the loud boom of the speakers was loud enough to break the windows. However, the silence that enveloped the room was more than enough to drown out the sounds from the outside. One could just hear everything as an individual sound. The giggles of the children, beeping horns and obnoxious singing. The sound of two heartbeats; they all came together as if one melody to create the perfect New Year orchestra. It wasn’t all as muddled as it used to be compared to the time when Lovino would be alone in his own room, mulling over whether he should go visit the family then deciding to leave it for another year when he was brave enough to face them. Back then, it was a chaotic silence. Silent, yes, but very chaotic, as if the voices in his head would break the silence every now and then, causing him to retreat further into a world he thought would keep him away from it. When it started, he could not tell. Looking back, it was most probably the reason why he ran away or at least he thought it would end if he ran away.
But we can never run away from the silence that devours us all. Pushing it aside seemed like a more viable option but running? Futile.
The sudden movement of Antonio caused him to return to the real world. He looked at the Spaniard whose face was painted with a huge grin directed at him. “Wh-what the hell are you looking at, bastardo?”
Antonio huffed. “Nothing.” He held Lovino closer and rested his head on the smaller man. “I just thought I’d finally gotten to you.”
“The fuck is that?”
“D’awww. Don’t say that, Lovi. I had to go through great pains just to have you like this. Don’t ruin the moment for me.”
Lovino smirked. “Yeah okay. Whatever.” he said then returned to looking outside the window where he could see the others still out drinking at the far left, just a few steps away from the doorstep. He took his glass and took a sip.
“They’re having fun, why did you---”
“Lo siento, mi amor.”
“What’s this now?”
“You’ve heard something you should not have.”
It didn’t take him long to realize what he was talking about. Lovino wisely said nothing and continued sipping from his wine glass and munching on a few cheese bits.
“Liz told me to explain to you. But now I don’t know how to start. Funny, even though I had always been the talkative one between the two of us, suddenly I’m the one at a loss for words.” Antonio gave out a small huff.
For someone Lovino had always seen as an easy-going person and seemed not to have a single care in the world, to see this side of Antonio in the quiet boom of the night, it seemed like he neither knew this person or was simply floating in a dream. Lovino still wouldn’t say anything, so Antonio continued.
“I’ve been dreading that call, you know. I knew it would come, and it wouldn’t come at a moment’s notice. And when it would, I’d have readied my bags and left. Even before a second call could come in. Sorry, the air got a little heavier. Say something, Lovi. The usual.”
“You’re making me sound like the bad guy here.” Lovi said sulkily. Antonio chuckled at the response.
“Au contraire, mi amor.”
“Only a cold-hearted beast would put Spanish and French in one sentence.”
“Then warm me up, Lovi?”
“Continue already.”
“Alright. Now where was I? Oh yes.” he held the Italian closer and buried his cheek in the brown ruffled hair of the smaller man then sighed. “Things don’t always go as planned for me. I was supposed to run my family. I was to marry big-chested Ukrainian. Or was she Belgian? I saw her picture you know. Blondie. Your type, Lovi. I’d like you to meet her someday. Anyway, things were supposed to go that way. Then I’d hold the vineyard in the palm of my hands. Have healthy kids. And die with a heck load of money in the bank, I could feed the world’s homeless and even build a home for each one. However, aside from feeding the homeless, I wanted none of that. So I ran. I moved from place to place, and every time I was found I’d run again. Until I came here. Luckily, Liz was someone I knew from childhood and had been closer to her than anyone in my family. So she offered to put me up here and with Roderich, she created this homely place. Hey Lovi, ask me what Liz was to me.”
“What was she to you?”
“A childhood friend. A supposed fiancee who, like me, had enough of that scene and ran. But unlike me, she was brave enough to stand against what was expected of her. And she just vanished from their lives. Roderich was someone she was seeing at the time. But things got a little weird. But that’s a different story altogether.”
“Well, this explains a lot.” Lovino had had a third glass and was starting to feel drowsy. His head tilted a bit to the side and Antonio had caught it. “Sorry. Keep going.”
“Just a little bit more, mi amor." he gave him a mischievious wink before continuing. "Well, she said I could hang here for a bit and she made sure to keep my family’s dogs away from me. Can you believe it? Even after renouncing her family, she kept hold of the benefits it gave her and used it to hide me. It’s been going on for the past 3? 4? It’s been so long, I can hardly tell anymore. But the same condition couldn’t stay for too long could it? And I knew I had to leave sooner or later so I made it a pact to myself never to involve myself in things that would keep me from leaving. Like, maybe...” he slid a hand to Lovino’s chin and with great care locked their eyes together. Antonio gently smiled, his emerald eyes filled with the same sadness Lovino always heard from his playing that cold November night. “...falling in love with someone.”
Lovino’s cheeks reddened all the way to the tip of his ears. Antonio gave a small laugh as he pushed some hair away from the Italian’s amber eyes. “I miscalculated Lovi when I saw you coming home from work one day. You know those Spanish soaps with all the ‘I should have stayed away’ kind of plot? I thought it would never happen in real life because really, what connection does reality have with something out of the imagination? So when you opened your door to me that day, something imagined had become real. You were always something out of a painting for me, Lovi. Even when you felt like nobody wanted you, it took all my willpower to keep me from pushing you down and taking you then and there.”
While he talked, Antonio cupped Lovino’s face with his free hand ever so gently, caressing the sides of his face every now and then as if to leave a mark of his touch on the Italian as well as impart on himself the feel of what it was like to hold his face. “Eyes are the mirror to our souls, right Lovi? But for me, it was like and endless guesswork of what you saw with these eyes. I wanted you to see me, but I didn’t want you to see all of what made me. Otherwise, I...”
Antonio’s hands fell to the couch, their eyes no longer in contact. Lovino squirmed in his seat at the sudden loss of contact, as if he had grown accustomed to the touch. He gazed at Antonio drinking from his glass, eyes glowing with a different light. “...Otherwise, you wouldn’t be able to leave me?”
Antonio turned to him slowly, the look in his eyes making the answer ever so clear. For the first time that night, in the darkness that surrounded them, Lovino truly saw him as what he had always tried to hide: Defenseless, unsure, and afraid. Who was this Antonio in front of him? Hey tomato bastard, don’t give me that look, he thought. What’s with all the drama? I bet you’re gonna go all ‘Got you again, Lovi~! Now let’s drink the night away!’ You’re not the helpless one here. I am. Unconsciously, Lovino raised his hand, touching the Spaniard’s left cheek. Antonio held Lovino’s hand and buried himself into it, kissing the palm in short intervals.
“Te amo, mi Lovinito. Mi amor. Mi corazon. Te amo.” He was silently crying and yet the smile he always wore never left his face. Lovino held his head in the palm of his hands and moved closer, pressing their foreheads together. “Idiota. This night was supposed to be fun.”
“You saw what was coming, don’t lie.”
“Can’t say I couldn’t.”
“See?”
Silence followed but not one broke the hold, like each other needed the sensation of another human being. “Listen, you’re not wrong for wanting to leave so go.”
“But...! Antonio’s head jerked upwards.
“I’m not leaving. I promised you, didn’t I? Italians, we keep our promises. That’s why...”
Lovino gently caressed the Spaniard’s face. As how Antonio had moved a few hair strands from his eyes, Lovino did too to reveal the beautiful emerald green eyes. On impulse, Lovino slowly brought his lips towards the Spaniard’s, locking them both in a kiss. When the Spaniard returned the kiss, it wasn’t forceful or anything, Lovino thought. It was rather gentle, childish if he were to describe it. There was no tongue, no biting. Nothing. Just that, it was a little sad, like a child feeling love for the first time as if he had been deprived of it all his life but was now sharing a sort of love he never knew he had exactly because. Little by little, Lovino melted into it. He closed his eyes to the world and felt his arms wound themselves around the Spaniard’s neck. The faint bittersweet taste of the soup was still there along with the lingering aftertaste of what was supposedly alcohol. The strong scent of earth enveloped them both. Antonio broke the kiss, heavily breathing and in need for air. Their eyes are on each other, lust growing steadily in them. Lovino broke the eye contact and looked away, his ears red to the tips.
“Damn it, Lovi. This makes it even harder to leave.” the Spanish said in between breaths.
“Show me, Antonio. What do you see with your eyes?”
“Are you sure?” Antonio’s thumb hovers over the Italian’s bottom lip.
“Yes.”
Outside, the fireworks had begun to fly to the air, coloring the night sky. People yelled with glee, horns honked even louder and beer mugs clanked with one another.
Lovino and Antonio remained inside the apartment, with each other, letting the wine do its work.
The next morning, the sun was out to greet the first day of the New Year. Lovino opened his eyes to familiar surroundings. It must’ve have been 10 in the morning from the feel of the heat of the sun shining on him. He looked around. It was his room. It was the same bed. It was the same window and view he looked out from every day. Next to him, on his nightstand was a tray with a single glass bottle of red liquid, flashing as bright as a ruby in the late morning light.
He took it from the tray held it in his hands just as tears started dripping onto the transparent glass. He held it close to him, quivering as if to contain the sudden overflow of emotion.
No, it just wasn’t the same anymore. Nothing would be.
Alone in a room he was not supposed to be in, he shed his first New Year’s tears while calling out a name that seemed to come from a distant past.
Your face
Lovely as the rose in your hair
The passion in your eyes
Fills me with the songs of love
So tell me when will I know.
How can you tell?
When love is near
For I love you so
Un baile del corazon.
BUT!!!!!!!!
Here's the thing: I've got something in mind. //*cough* sequel *cough*// But I'm not sure if I should go through with it cause I'm very much satisfied with how this ended..oh dear, please excuse me. //*obnoxious nose blowing*// So tell me what you think guys! Comment or message or gimme at least 25 kudos if you think I gotta do what I'm planning.
Also, despite me saying I'm happy how this turned out, I still have much to learn and I can only learn if I receive structured comments about my work. Imagine yourself as my prof and me the lagging student in class. Critique my work as harshly as you can and I will respond to that to the best of my abilities.
To those who have read this far and to those who gave it a try and are thinking of giving my work a try, all the same, you are all beautiful beings. Don't forget that //*wink*// So much love to you all!
I think I've said enough. NOW! Onto the Chapter! <3
-Chien
“Oi!?” The loud yet muffled squeal of Lovino’s outcry made the others downstairs swivel their heads towards the direction of Lovino’s floor.
“Haha! Man, that Lovino sure can yell! Yeah! Here’s to New Year, Lovino!”
“Liz, shouldn’t we go check on them?” The Austrian turned to the Hungarian with an obvious look of concern. Elizabeth, who was engrossed in her drink, didn’t seem to mind.
“Leave them alone, Roderich. They’re probably patching things up over there.” she said before taking another sip of her beer. Roderich stared at her in question. What was there to patch about? He thought. His eyes move away from the girl and returned them to the Italian’s floor, deciding whether to go up there or not when a heavy tug from the Prussian brought him straight to the dance by the town square.
Back inside the apartment, the hallways and rooms were empty except for the two misplaced gentlemen on floor 2. “Dammit, Tonio. Have you forgotten how heavy you are?” he grunts. “This would be so much easier if you had just moved your damn garden in the ACTUAL garden.” More grunting sounds escaped the young man’s lips as he moved the Spaniard towards the end of the hallways, continuously mumbling at how the Spaniard always caused trouble for him.
The gap between their rooms had widened a little bit over the past year due to a few malfunctioning wires and drainage pipes in Antonio’s room. When the techs came over to check them out, they found field gerbils and a few eggs all over the place. All eyes turned to Antonio’s mini garden out on his balcony. While it was a mystery as to how those creatures had entered the water stream, management had decided to move Antonio to a place insusceptible to any entrance of any other creatures. As a result, the once 'two-room gap' between the two widened to an 'end of the hallway' gap and the techs changed the course of the water pipes so the water flowing to the different rooms wouldn’t have a trace of the foreign creatures. The garden stayed as it was impossible to move all that dirt to so Antonio would still be around the old room to tend to his ‘piccolovini’ or “little Lovino’s. Lovino blew a fuse after finding out why he called them that way until he just got used to the idea of round juicy red tomatoes being named after him and (in Italian no less).
They reached Antonio’s room and Lovino started feeling the former’s pockets for his room keys. When he realized it wasn’t in any of his pockets, he decided to go upstairs and grab the spare keys from the administrator’s office but stops when he sees a faint light coming from the small crack between the door and the door frame. Lovino sighed at the usual blunder of Antonio forgetting to even close the door of his own room. He pushed the door open and moved the heavy Spaniard safely inside before closing the door behind him. He grumbled first in complete disbelief at the Spaniard’s weird taste for interior decoration then shakes his head and tells himself to think about the incapacitated Spaniard at his feet.
The layout of the apartment rooms were all relatively the same for every room so it didn’t take long for Lovino to locate the bedroom where he literally just threw the Spaniard in. Even that didn’t get him to wake up. Lovino then set to prepare the things to clean Antonio up. Despite being the blunderhead he always was, he seemed prepared for emergency cases like this, which of course made it easier for Lovino to get everything done.1 While in the middle of making soup, footsteps were heard coming from the bedroom which meant the Spaniard had roused from his sleep.
“Don’t come near me, bastard. I might burn you or something.” he said, not looking up from the pot of bubbling soup.
“Is that my Lovi?” Antonio replied in a dazed tone. “Is this a dream? Lovi’s cooking for me, I’m so happy~!” Without a sound, arms engulfed the Italian from behind. Lovino paid it no heed and continued silently stirring the bright red soup. Antonio’s face fell. He held the shorter man tighter and buried his face on one of his shoulders. “Hey Lovi. Talk to me.” he said in tone already inaudible.
Silence.
“Scold me. Be annoyed with me.” the gurgling of the liquid was all he heard in return. “Please don’t be mad at me.” Antonio’s voice was quivering now. “I won’t leave tomato juice whenever I want. I’ll ask you first. I don’t like you not talking to me, Lovi. Not you.”
Lovino remained indifferent to the taller man. This Antonio felt and slowly let him go. Lovino, after a few seconds, broke the silence by telling him to go grab a seat. Antonio humbly obeyed. After a while, Lovino joined him at the table with a tray of steaming hot tomato soup and a cup of brewed coffee.
“It’s hot. You might burn your tongue so blow, okay?”
“S-si.”
Lovino hung his head and said nothing. All that was heard between them was the flow of water from the faucet and the clanking of plates and stainless steel. He took off the apron and proceeded to leave the Spaniard’s room.
“Get more sleep okay?” he said without making eye contact with Antonio. “I’ll take a picture of the fireworks or something if that’ll make you happy. See you around, bastard.”
He had already gotten a hold of the knob when another hand was on top of his. “O-Oi...” his voice quivered to a point where it was a miracle he had gotten those words out of him. Antonio’s other hand kept the door in place by pushing it outwards, making it impossible for the Italian to open the door. “What do you think you’re doing, bastard?” Lovino tried to push the Spaniard back, but it was no use. It was like the Spaniard had latched his whole weight upon the door.
“Won’t you stay, Lovi? It’s so lonely being alone on New Year’s Eve.” Antonio whimpered in a tone as if he was begging. He lowered his hands to his sides and shut his eyes while we stood in wait for the sound of the door opening and shutting at his face, forever separating him from the Italian. “I’m sorry. Don’t mind it. You can go. H-Happy...New Year.”
This isn’t going too well for me, Lovi. Leave before you see the un-Antonio side of me.
“What is this, bastard?” Lovino said in a small tone, his eyes looking down at his feet.
Antonio hesitantly raised a hand and held him by the chin, lifting Lovino’s gaze back to him.“Look at me, Lovi. You’re so cute when you’re shy.” he brought his hands to Lovino’s cheek and caressed it. One of his fingers hovered under his eye. “You have such beautiful eyes, mi amor."
“Stop calling me that.” the heat from Antonio’s touch was unbearable despite the sharp cold of December.
He rested his head on the shorter man’s shoulder.“You’re not struggling anymore, Lovi. I’m glad.” I’m glad you stayed.
“Shut up.”
“Hey, can we stay like this for a bit?”
“Can’t we at least sit on the couch? I had to carry you all the way here.”
“You could have just brought me to your room.”
“Shut up. I panicked.”
Antonio chuckled. “Okay let’s sit on the couch.”
Without letting go of his hand, Antonio went into the kitchen and took out a wine bottle. Lovino stared at the Spaniard who was clumsily cutting the cheese with only one hand. He breathed a deep sigh. “Let me go.”
“What? But you said...!”
“I won’t run away. So cut the cheese with both hands, will you? I’ll pour the wine for us.”
Antonio looked at him, conflicted at what to do. “You promise you won’t run away?”
“I promise.”
Antonio let him go in surrender. Only after his hand was released did he realize how tight Antonio had held him.
“Lovi?”
He snapped out of his reverie and came into contact with those dazzling emerald eyes. “Right. The wine.” he moved to the cupboard and grabbed the nearest wine glasses he could find. While he worked, he could feel the Spaniard’s eyes follow him making him red to the tip of his ears.
“...you’re not leaving?”
“Do you want me to?” He had meant it as a joke but at this, Antonio was quick to grab him again, making Lovino nearly spill the wine over the counter.
“Oh what the--”
“Please don’t! Don’t go Lovi!”
All desire to tell off the Spaniard vanished just like that. He relaxed in the hold then patted the other's arms. “Relax, bastard. I won’t. Now get back to the cheese. Go on.”
“O-okay. Gracias, Lovi.” he said with a smile. Lovino tried to return it with even just the sliver of a smile, but for some reason, it just wouldn’t come to him. He just went back to preparing.
After getting their snacks ready, they moved the couch to a spot near the window to an angle that would give them the best view of the fireworks then they sat in silence while ‘cuddling’ which was just Lovino wrapped around one arm of Antonio as they sipped from the wine and cheese.
Lights played outside the window and the loud boom of the speakers was loud enough to break the windows. However, the silence that enveloped the room was more than enough to drown out the sounds from the outside. One could just hear everything as an individual sound. The giggles of the children, beeping horns and obnoxious singing. The sound of two heartbeats; they all came together as if one melody to create the perfect New Year orchestra. It wasn’t all as muddled as it used to be compared to the time when Lovino would be alone in his own room, mulling over whether he should go visit the family then deciding to leave it for another year when he was brave enough to face them. Back then, it was a chaotic silence. Silent, yes, but very chaotic, as if the voices in his head would break the silence every now and then, causing him to retreat further into a world he thought would keep him away from it. When it started, he could not tell. Looking back, it was most probably the reason why he ran away or at least he thought it would end if he ran away.
But we can never run away from the silence that devours us all. Pushing it aside seemed like a more viable option but running? Futile.
The sudden movement of Antonio caused him to return to the real world. He looked at the Spaniard whose face was painted with a huge grin directed at him. “Wh-what the hell are you looking at, bastardo?”
Antonio huffed. “Nothing.” He held Lovino closer and rested his head on the smaller man. “I just thought I’d finally gotten to you.”
“The fuck is that?”
“D’awww. Don’t say that, Lovi. I had to go through great pains just to have you like this. Don’t ruin the moment for me.”
Lovino smirked. “Yeah okay. Whatever.” he said then returned to looking outside the window where he could see the others still out drinking at the far left, just a few steps away from the doorstep. He took his glass and took a sip.
“They’re having fun, why did you---”
“Lo siento, mi amor.”
“What’s this now?”
“You’ve heard something you should not have.”
It didn’t take him long to realize what he was talking about. Lovino wisely said nothing and continued sipping from his wine glass and munching on a few cheese bits.
“Liz told me to explain to you. But now I don’t know how to start. Funny, even though I had always been the talkative one between the two of us, suddenly I’m the one at a loss for words.” Antonio gave out a small huff.
For someone Lovino had always seen as an easy-going person and seemed not to have a single care in the world, to see this side of Antonio in the quiet boom of the night, it seemed like he neither knew this person or was simply floating in a dream. Lovino still wouldn’t say anything, so Antonio continued.
“I’ve been dreading that call, you know. I knew it would come, and it wouldn’t come at a moment’s notice. And when it would, I’d have readied my bags and left. Even before a second call could come in. Sorry, the air got a little heavier. Say something, Lovi. The usual.”
“You’re making me sound like the bad guy here.” Lovi said sulkily. Antonio chuckled at the response.
“Au contraire, mi amor.”
“Only a cold-hearted beast would put Spanish and French in one sentence.”
“Then warm me up, Lovi?”
“Continue already.”
“Alright. Now where was I? Oh yes.” he held the Italian closer and buried his cheek in the brown ruffled hair of the smaller man then sighed. “Things don’t always go as planned for me. I was supposed to run my family. I was to marry big-chested Ukrainian. Or was she Belgian? I saw her picture you know. Blondie. Your type, Lovi. I’d like you to meet her someday. Anyway, things were supposed to go that way. Then I’d hold the vineyard in the palm of my hands. Have healthy kids. And die with a heck load of money in the bank, I could feed the world’s homeless and even build a home for each one. However, aside from feeding the homeless, I wanted none of that. So I ran. I moved from place to place, and every time I was found I’d run again. Until I came here. Luckily, Liz was someone I knew from childhood and had been closer to her than anyone in my family. So she offered to put me up here and with Roderich, she created this homely place. Hey Lovi, ask me what Liz was to me.”
“What was she to you?”
“A childhood friend. A supposed fiancee who, like me, had enough of that scene and ran. But unlike me, she was brave enough to stand against what was expected of her. And she just vanished from their lives. Roderich was someone she was seeing at the time. But things got a little weird. But that’s a different story altogether.”
“Well, this explains a lot.” Lovino had had a third glass and was starting to feel drowsy. His head tilted a bit to the side and Antonio had caught it. “Sorry. Keep going.”
“Just a little bit more, mi amor." he gave him a mischievious wink before continuing. "Well, she said I could hang here for a bit and she made sure to keep my family’s dogs away from me. Can you believe it? Even after renouncing her family, she kept hold of the benefits it gave her and used it to hide me. It’s been going on for the past 3? 4? It’s been so long, I can hardly tell anymore. But the same condition couldn’t stay for too long could it? And I knew I had to leave sooner or later so I made it a pact to myself never to involve myself in things that would keep me from leaving. Like, maybe...” he slid a hand to Lovino’s chin and with great care locked their eyes together. Antonio gently smiled, his emerald eyes filled with the same sadness Lovino always heard from his playing that cold November night. “...falling in love with someone.”
Lovino’s cheeks reddened all the way to the tip of his ears. Antonio gave a small laugh as he pushed some hair away from the Italian’s amber eyes. “I miscalculated Lovi when I saw you coming home from work one day. You know those Spanish soaps with all the ‘I should have stayed away’ kind of plot? I thought it would never happen in real life because really, what connection does reality have with something out of the imagination? So when you opened your door to me that day, something imagined had become real. You were always something out of a painting for me, Lovi. Even when you felt like nobody wanted you, it took all my willpower to keep me from pushing you down and taking you then and there.”
While he talked, Antonio cupped Lovino’s face with his free hand ever so gently, caressing the sides of his face every now and then as if to leave a mark of his touch on the Italian as well as impart on himself the feel of what it was like to hold his face. “Eyes are the mirror to our souls, right Lovi? But for me, it was like and endless guesswork of what you saw with these eyes. I wanted you to see me, but I didn’t want you to see all of what made me. Otherwise, I...”
Antonio’s hands fell to the couch, their eyes no longer in contact. Lovino squirmed in his seat at the sudden loss of contact, as if he had grown accustomed to the touch. He gazed at Antonio drinking from his glass, eyes glowing with a different light. “...Otherwise, you wouldn’t be able to leave me?”
Antonio turned to him slowly, the look in his eyes making the answer ever so clear. For the first time that night, in the darkness that surrounded them, Lovino truly saw him as what he had always tried to hide: Defenseless, unsure, and afraid. Who was this Antonio in front of him? Hey tomato bastard, don’t give me that look, he thought. What’s with all the drama? I bet you’re gonna go all ‘Got you again, Lovi~! Now let’s drink the night away!’ You’re not the helpless one here. I am. Unconsciously, Lovino raised his hand, touching the Spaniard’s left cheek. Antonio held Lovino’s hand and buried himself into it, kissing the palm in short intervals.
“Te amo, mi Lovinito. Mi amor. Mi corazon. Te amo.” He was silently crying and yet the smile he always wore never left his face. Lovino held his head in the palm of his hands and moved closer, pressing their foreheads together. “Idiota. This night was supposed to be fun.”
“You saw what was coming, don’t lie.”
“Can’t say I couldn’t.”
“See?”
Silence followed but not one broke the hold, like each other needed the sensation of another human being. “Listen, you’re not wrong for wanting to leave so go.”
“But...! Antonio’s head jerked upwards.
“I’m not leaving. I promised you, didn’t I? Italians, we keep our promises. That’s why...”
Lovino gently caressed the Spaniard’s face. As how Antonio had moved a few hair strands from his eyes, Lovino did too to reveal the beautiful emerald green eyes. On impulse, Lovino slowly brought his lips towards the Spaniard’s, locking them both in a kiss. When the Spaniard returned the kiss, it wasn’t forceful or anything, Lovino thought. It was rather gentle, childish if he were to describe it. There was no tongue, no biting. Nothing. Just that, it was a little sad, like a child feeling love for the first time as if he had been deprived of it all his life but was now sharing a sort of love he never knew he had exactly because. Little by little, Lovino melted into it. He closed his eyes to the world and felt his arms wound themselves around the Spaniard’s neck. The faint bittersweet taste of the soup was still there along with the lingering aftertaste of what was supposedly alcohol. The strong scent of earth enveloped them both. Antonio broke the kiss, heavily breathing and in need for air. Their eyes are on each other, lust growing steadily in them. Lovino broke the eye contact and looked away, his ears red to the tips.
“Damn it, Lovi. This makes it even harder to leave.” the Spanish said in between breaths.
“Show me, Antonio. What do you see with your eyes?”
“Are you sure?” Antonio’s thumb hovers over the Italian’s bottom lip.
“Yes.”
Outside, the fireworks had begun to fly to the air, coloring the night sky. People yelled with glee, horns honked even louder and beer mugs clanked with one another.
Lovino and Antonio remained inside the apartment, with each other, letting the wine do its work.
The next morning, the sun was out to greet the first day of the New Year. Lovino opened his eyes to familiar surroundings. It must’ve have been 10 in the morning from the feel of the heat of the sun shining on him. He looked around. It was his room. It was the same bed. It was the same window and view he looked out from every day. Next to him, on his nightstand was a tray with a single glass bottle of red liquid, flashing as bright as a ruby in the late morning light.
He took it from the tray held it in his hands just as tears started dripping onto the transparent glass. He held it close to him, quivering as if to contain the sudden overflow of emotion.
No, it just wasn’t the same anymore. Nothing would be.
Alone in a room he was not supposed to be in, he shed his first New Year’s tears while calling out a name that seemed to come from a distant past.
Your face
Lovely as the rose in your hair
The passion in your eyes
Fills me with the songs of love
So tell me when will I know.
How can you tell?
When love is near
For I love you so
Un baile del corazon.