LittleMissOddball

“Nino?”

His small voice snapped me out of my dazed reverie, cutting me off at the most important part of that reminiscent dream and instead had me staring right back at him staring at me.

“You don’t seem to be sick. But you’re a bit pale. Want me to tell the big boss you can’t make it to tonight’s appointments? I can give him a call while you go and rest.” He took out his phone and started punching in some numbers. He moved away from me which gave me a few moments to admire from behind; his posture, the way his hips swayed, his small fingers calloused with many hours of working on solos and reports for NEWS ZERO. Suddenly the heat wasn’t up here. But down there. And I knew just the person to help me with it.

He remained on the phone speaking in small tones and I was moving silently closer to him. The phone call ended and I could hear his muffled voice as if he were somewhere far. My mind was blank and all I could think was to keep myself in check as I remembered that night and how it all ended; as I feel the heat travel faster and faster downward and my mind slowly spiraling into darkness, shrouding my thinking. He put his phone inside his pocket and turned to me. I surprised myself with the fact that I could still control myself despite the beast slowly growling louder and louder inside me.

“What did I the boss say?” I somehow managed to say.
“He said to take care of yourself. He doesn’t want you to drive so I offered if I could drive you home. Unless you mind of course.” He wasn’t looking at me, rather he busied himself with his duffel bag, searching for his keys.

“I’m grateful for all your help Let me get my bag. Come with me for a bit. I’m a bit too weak to carry it alone.”

I moved closer, our faces nearly touching. I could feel his heavy breathing on my neck as I curved my head to bring my lips to his ears.

He wreaks of mint. And Aiba’s parfum.

I should do something about that parfum scent still enveloping him.

“Unless you mind.” I whispered in his eary.

He shuddered. “N-Not at all. Let’s go” He pushed me back and walked ahead. I smirked. He was the same as before. I knew where he hated and loved the most. I could still read him.

This should be interesting.

I followed suit and started walking to my dressing room, careful to hide any hints of what was constantly running through my mind as we neared my dressing room.

(OMG. I am getting to the good part so please don't hate on me. I'm planning a to dedicate an entire chapter as a LEMON chapter. Oh goodness gracious. Please pray I don't faint while I write it. Ghad. This is why I made it a short chapter. )

(This essay is like the culmination of all our other essays, as it is our final paper which could ultimately ensure our grades' reality. This is also that other essay jam-packed with essays. I'm not aware of othe grade this got since our professor never messaged us back, nor returned it to us. But I'm very very proud of this. Even if it got a low score I will be forever proud of this. This is like my ultimate essay, in my opinion. It sorta showed me that if not in science or in math, I am good at something. Writing may not be something appealing to others but to me it is the way I voice my thoughts. I'm naturally an introvert. I'm not one for socializing and I can't easily voice out thoughts I want to voice out. But in writing I get to be my own person. Cheesy shit, I know.But hey.At least I've found what I'm good at And I acknowledge it. We can all make essays, but we can't all make the effective essay and somehow one way or another, I was able to make an effective essay in the eyes of my professor. And I'm proud of that. So enjoy my emo shit. HAHA)

The water ran down her naked skin, grazing the scars on her wrist, soaking her hair and masking the tears still trickling down to the floor. She stood underneath the shower gazing at the marble floor as transparent liquid mixed with red and tears fall down the drain. The world seemed inaudible save for the echo of running water. She could not hear the loud banging on the door, the shouts of panic from the other side of the bathroom door or the rattling of the doorknob as if it were trying desperately trying to get the door to open. She felt cold. Somewhere in the back of her head she thought to get a towel to dry herself. Wait. What was she even doing in the bathroom? What was this pain she felt on wrists? Is that...blood? Why is there blood? Mom? Dad? Why are they shouting? It’s cold. Where’s the towel? She’s hungry yet she still stands beneath the shower, silent. Wondering. Then faint sounds resound in her ears. Voices. Many of them. They’re laughing. They’re angry. They’re frightening. Chills went down her spine as the voices grew louder and louder, a great banging in her head. She could hear them now. They were taunting her. Stop. Please. Why do you mock me so? Her legs wobble and she’s brought to her knees as she holds herself tightly. She brings her palms to her ears to block out the sound but they were piercing. Stop, she said in a small voice. Stop. Stop. The door suddenly bursts open and ear splitting screams filled the neighborhood.

Her gaze was fixed on the blue sky and white cottony clouds racing against them. The car swerved to the right and the horizon was completely blocked by the tall palm trees. She sulked inwardly as they entered the familiar green gates of their town’s high school.While her mother and father maneuvered the car to the parking lot, she sighed in contemplation as she eyed a nest of baby sparrows overhead. She wanted to be a young bird again. Then she would be pampered by her parents. She wouldn’t have to worry about food or fending for herself for her mother could do that for her. It sounded selfish, yes. But the world is vile. Yes, the idea of independence was enticing and altogether exciting but ignorance of the world is out there made her easy prey. She is of the human race; it is the race that bear the mark of kings over nature and likewise over humans. Yet to the game of life, she is nothing but a pawn. We are all Daniels thrown into a den of lions, left by society to deal with our own problems. “Make friends.”, said her mother. Friends will be there when you are your shining you. But at the end of the day, you sleep alone. “Be yourself.” says her father. ‘Being yourself’ won’t help you survive in this world. Even priests forget themselves when they are in the presence of the almighty being. “We’ll always be here for you.” they tell her as she is left to her lonesome while they drive off into the distance. The world is full of lies therefore our very existence, our lives are a lie. Even the people who think this way remain searching for the comfort found in family, friends, and love. They search for the reality of life. Because, in the end, we’re all humans. And what drives us is the feeling of acceptance. Something most, if not all, are unlucky not to have.


When is a baby sparrow deemed fit to leave the nest and fly off to explore the world? Once it has learned the basics of living away from the protection of its mother. When they leave, there is no doubt the feeling of having free reign over the course of one’s wings. They were not told to fly following this direction. No. They choose where they go without specific destination or direction. As they leave their nests, their very beings become the center of their world. They are the masters of the their galaxy in their own universe without any care for others or whether they are alone or not. But they soon get tired of flying solo and will start to think if this solo flight must and will always remain SOLO. She begins to yearn for the company of friends. And she does find it. But now they must face the world hand in hand. One’s trouble becomes one burden. It were fine if it were like that all the time. And shouldn’t it be? Imagine a world where one’s troubles are carried by one equally as the other carries his own. However we are serpents in the Garden of Eden. Except there is no pure Eve and no steadfast Adam. Only serpents that compete in a game of deceit and exploitation. We all want to get ahead for what has now become the goal of living. Just as hunters who shoot forest animals as well as sky dwellers for sport, we will shoot down anyone in order to make us feel superior. Taunt them, alienate them, make them think that being born is a mistake. They will obey for they have no choice; they will be led into a life of forgetfulness. It is not the simple forgetting of where you place your things. It is much more than that for it is forgetting your being. Suddenly, the galaxy with you as the Center has you slowly becoming just a mere planet and them on which your axis revolves around. How does one forget oneself? Simple-- hopelessness, disgust, and anguish.


The life of the young bird ends once it is shot down from the sky. Now unable to fly, she now plummets head first towards the ground. Darkness will envelop her, as if she were falling into a black hole with no chance of return. She will see a whole new lopsided world distorted by the taunting voices and sleepless nights. She sees her companions. They see her too. But they fly off to safety without attempting to save her from the greedy hands of the men down on the ground laughing and shouting. She screams, but they do not hear. She remains in solitude, gradually falling deeper into the cold, her heart slowly growing numb. Tears stream down the contours of her face as she contemplates, “Is this what I was meant for?”, “Why did I ever leave the nest?” She knew she would’ve been safer in the arms of her family. This is not independence, she thought, for she is caged by the desire to be accepted by the world of man. She must change. What she is now is unacceptable, dirty, ugly, and a mistake. Change more for them. Dance in their palms. That’s it. Keep dancing and dancing and never reveal the ugly side, for they will reject you and you will be left alone again. They are your gods now and nothing else, not even you, matters.


Does this remain to be what independence means? She is physically free yet emotionally caged. She has been shot from the sky yet man is discontented and continues to shoot at her over and over as if shooting one wing was not enough, now she must endure the loss of her other wing. They cut off her legs leaving her crawling away from them while they continue to taunt her. They catch her as she crawls away and strips her of her feathers leaving her naked and cold. There is nothing more than can take for they have taken even her ability to decide which is right and wrong. She now remains free in name but in spirit, she is but a hollow shell. Her heart has become as cold as the night when she sleeps alone and drowns herself in tears. Is there any place for her? Even her home has become a battlefield. Will there ever be peace in her heart? She dives into an even deeper world of more deceit and lies. But she does not see this. Instead she sees comfort, a home, and most of all, herself. Oh, the great joy she had at this wonderful world on the other side of her screen. No one knew her. She knew no one, yet she was accepted here; she was loved here. Here, she was not a mistake. Is this the true independence? It was slowly becoming a drug. But she could care less. Why would she let this magical box go when this was the realization of all her dreams? She could care less if it was affecting her family. They would never understand the pain of having to wake up every morning, pretend that you’re fine, brave the world and then come home battered and weary. They say the adults know best, but even they can’t comprehend something they have never experienced. Such hypocrisy, she thought. But here, in her world of codes, everyone understood. Now it was as though brand-new wings had been granted to her. Why would she sacrifice her wings in order to return to the world of man? For once in her life, she felt true independence. Short lived however it is with the blurring of the line between reality and illusion. She had turned a blind eye for far too long not see this new cage now surrounding her, thickening each time she enters that world. What she believed as an asylum transformed into a hellish prison. She must escape. But could she really give up the world that finally accepts her and once again go back to the world with a fraudulent smile?


Fraudulent. It is a word synonymous to Devious. Dishonest. Phony. Fake. The very word she despised and the very word she became. No matter what she did, whether she was in this world or in the digital world, in the end she had become fraudulent herself. She was shrouded in a cloak of darkness, self pity. She was no longer a free bird but a fragile caged doll with no control of herself. Instead, she makes for herself not one but 10 masks. She cuts herself in order to feel like there is still something she can control: Her own life. She wished to be free from all external control yet in trying to regain internal control she trapped herself in her unconscious box and turned a blind eye from the monster she had created. She had wings; she always had them. She was never shot from the sky; she was just made to believe that they had shot her. And this realization came a little too late. She knew there was no way out and no way to use these wings. Help me! Help me! She screamed yet they all turned their backs. Her screams gradually became inaudible. Was all hope lost? A cracking sound echoes. She turns and a small dent shatters her digital cage, and then her emotional cage. There was help. She pushed off the ground and out through the dent she flew with wings spread majestically. She flew once again, this time she was not alone for the flight. Finally, she realized she was never alone to begin with. She was simply a puzzle missing a piece and now she’s found it. She is finally whole. I am finally free.


“And here’s the part where I started to make my own damn decisions. And make a name for myself. I wouldn’t change any part of me just to make you stay. Cuz I know what’s best for me. “ The loud drop of the bass made her smile a bit to We Are the In the Crowd’s song “Never Be What You Want” echoing all the way down to her heart as she sat in the living room of their home, flipping through graduation pictures. Her smile widened a bit and her cheeks turning into a hue of red while eyeing a photo album with pictures of her with her family during the graduation feast. I look happy. She thought. It’s as if those four years never happened. And indeed, that was what it looked. But she knew, the fear and the paranoia of feeling cold nights and damp pillows remain. She will never be able to erase the burnt stripes of brown etched on her wrists for it was a constant reminder of the pain she endured everyday. But looking back, there is great triumph and pride that accompanies the permanence. No one wants to experience depression, even those that have gone through it cringe at the very thought. But in a way it makes a heart stronger. It does not teach the heart to distrust, rather it finds the best in people no matter how little. It is a past we do not bury but rather it is a history lesson we look back in order to correct what went wrong and carry it with pride in the sense that not alone, but hand in hand we got through it with those who truly loves us and have accepted us from the moment we were born. The scars are not just scars rather they are our bragging rights.

(My first essay for the semester. HAHAHA It's sucky I know. I tried, okay? HAHA)


Imagine a hall.
Alright, let’s make it a round party hall in which in the middle of all the gay colors and appetizing grub that lie in wait for hungry mouths, is a lone man dressed in princely colors, adorned with jewelry. Let’s make this lone man the star of the show or the ideas or theories that have become our world’s knowledge’s foundation.
A few minutes later, the guests arrive. And in less than an hour, the hall is packed with people drinking, and chatting with each other. Each guest is dressed differently, some dressed elegantly. Some a little more daring. Some come in flashy cars, some with an awesome entourage. And yet others...walk. Imagine these are the voices and opinions that each person has. Each thought a person has spent their time sitting down and thinking about it, building their ideas and putting principles into practice in more ways than one.
Notice that nothing much about the room has changed.. There is still the lone man in the middle, however he is not so alone anymore. There’s the food refilled every second by the efficient cooks. A glass chandelier hangs majestically from the ceiling. Moreover it’s still a round hall. The only thing that differs is now it has become an actual party with mixing voices, loud and lively dancing. An ACTUAL party. Sure, there may be some getting into “gentlemanly” scrapes but that’s just how a party is, no matter how formal, it’s always a sight to behold.

What was the change present, then? The change occurred once the first guest, aka, idea came into the picture. By adding more and more guests to the party, in this case, society the first ideas that are currently present are given more meaning and their ideas are further expanded. The gentlemanly scrapes some of the guests have experienced are the clashing of ideas and the debates of scholars. The cheery chatting, dancing and even the lively music seem to signify what ideas mix connect to one another, making society more than just a bunch of strange ideas collected in one room turns into the mature kind of society that makes individuals think and find their stand on whatever topics are up for debate as of today. And the guests already present aren’t the only ones involved. The hall has more than enough room for a hundred more decades of ideas to enter. While the first guests are voicing each stand, still arriving guests in turn, let’s make it the change in time and modernization, give more meaning, more concrete evidences that can either agree or disagree. Such ideas present in the previous society do not stay as they are and are just accepted by society but are pilled up again by more guests arriving. More minds bold and ready to take a stand for what they believe in. Society in turn listens and tries to find it’s own stand again. It’s a never ending cycle of arriving guests. And the more the guests pour in, the more it becomes the ideal society. However, in this case, no one goes home. No idea is left untouched. By the end of the night, if there is even an end to this grandeur night, such ideas will remain and will be looked back by the newer ideas emerging Newly arrived guests would consult such ideas. This way, the ideas voiced before are not given any less thought, for they are given the more respect for they have begun to shape the world and have become the basis of more ideas, more people ready to communicate what ever they have to say to the multitude. When they say, “The more , the merrier,”, it couldn’t be a better phrase to describe the great amount of ideas still continuing to shape our nation. And not just a nation but the world at best.

“Art is the language of the mind and heart.” “Actions speak louder than words.” “Speak up. I can’t read minds.”

We’ve all heard these before. Maybe somewhere in the internet, while looking for inspirational quotes. In bills and advertising posters urging people to take a stand for this or that. Or maybe in a certain class where your instructor would encourage you to ask questions. In anyway, such words have become something common. And, it all has something to do with communication and expressing thoughts and ideas. When there is an exchange of these, people are moved in any direction; to go with or against the idea presented. And when people move, society is shaped.
What would our world be if Martin Luther King had not spoken on behalf of the African-Americans? The word “equality” would probably have not existed in dictionaries. But thanks to that, people opened their minds to the possibility of an equal nation. And more of this happened in the span of a great number of decades. True, it took some time. There have been disagreements here and there. MJK was assassinated, as was Abe was assassinated for abolishing slavery. But the ideas they presented, and the exchange of ideas made it possible for such a change to happen. This kind of equivalent exchange between listener and speaker set the world in first gear. And this has happened many times over the years, even before the time of Christ, even during the days of the first man.


It’s true when they say, “It’ more than your belief. It’s mostly about being heard”.
With the great amount of thoughts and ideas waiting to be expressed and be heard, humanity has come up with ways how they’ll be heard. Just as how the party guests arrived, each way made an impact on the kind of voice they have. Some flashy. Others, not so much. But in the same way, they have voiced what they wanted. Others might accept it. Others might think twice, and still others would deny what you say.
In one way or another, once the point has gotten through, the society is shaped once again and more people are invited to enter the ever-changing Party of Society.

November 4, 2015

Dear Ms. C:

As a little child, I learned to flip through the history book my mother would buy from the book sale. Sometimes, I would let myself get drawn into the fairy tale of life before me and everything that happened that led to now. In the course of being drawn into the history world, I couldn’t help but stare in awe at the pages that depicted wars, men pictured to be running yet stationary on paper, and a barrage of bullets spilling blood on the battlefield. Being young and naive, I was led to believe that wars happened because they needed to happen; that they happened because big, bad, mean people existed and in turn there existed the nice people who would purge the bad people.

But I grew, Miss, and I realized the sufferings of the Jews were the result of Hitler’s use of his words of hate to rally the support of the German nation against the latter race. That the Cold War was nothing but the cold shoulder between Russia and the US trades. That the reason families break up is because of the wrong things they say and do. That there are people who would hang, slash, and torture themselves mentally from the words they were forced to hear and were made to believe every single day. I grew up realizing that Japan’s plea for forgiveness would matter more to the Philippine nation than any of the war damage caused during the WW2. A simple call or text asking me how I am, telling me to take care and bidding me good night before sleep has proved to be more than enough to get me through a stressful day in college. That a simple “I’m sorry” is worth the restored friendship that comes as a result. I grew up finally realizing that more than war, there is something even worse and even more beautiful than peace itself.

“Sticks and stones may break my bones. But words will never hurt me.” won’t always apply to all situations. If there’s one thing I learned from my 16 (going on 17) years of living in this earth, it is that any damage caused by a barrage of bullets and cannon balls cannot compare to the possible damage a single phrase said knowingly or unknowingly. Strange isn’t it? They seem so harmless; just mere letters joined together to make a unit comprising of syllables that encompass a particular meaning. They’re merely the things we see that make up phrases, then sentences, then paragraphs until they reach their ultimate evolution: a book. A story. A novel. And we enjoy these luxuries that make the unreal real. We use them to build relationships, connections; they make us humans whole. Strange. It truly is strange how something can sound so wonderful yet be the cause of all the pain and chaos the world has to offer. Words can either bring us back up or drag us down further; can make us smile or be the reason for our pain. But that is always up to us as we have the choice of what to say and what not to say. As is God’s word, OUR words are””living and active, sharper than any double-edged sword, piercing until it divides soul and spirit, joints and marrow, as it judges the thoughts and purposes of the heart.”” (Heb. 4:12) ”


Speaking from my heart,
Celine


(I know what this looks like. A letter yes. It was a thing we had to do. Write it in letter form. This is what came out. )
(I am fairly proud of this one 'cause I poured my heart and soul into it. Hihi)

(This isn’t a fanfic or anything. Actually it’s more of a rant. I’m the kind of person that doesn’t believe in Filipino time, or arriving 2 or 3 hours after the fixed meeting time. I always try come on time as I believe that time is gold. It is very disrespectful towards someone who arrives on time but have to wait for you because it is an inconvenience. There is a fixed time schedule because other people have plans to and the fact that they have things to do means things have to be done on time. To have someone wait for you for more than an hour would piss anyone off. And I’m telling you it pissed me off. There is no such thing as Filipino time. It’s all on the person if they want to value the time of others. Just because you don’t have anything to do the same day, doesn’t mean you inconvenience other people as well. Respeto lang po pag may time (give some respect whenever you see fit). So yeah. This is my rant because this happened to me today and writing is the only way that calms me down.)


She sat alone in the middle of the classroom in the midst of shuffling feet and busy buzzing noises, her eyes fixed outside the window as she watched the students and teachers enter the school gate. She reached for her bag and took out her player and scanned through the list and found the song she was looking for. She plugged in her earphones and set it to maximum volume. Her feet tapped on the ground to the beat of the drums and her lips silently sang the lyrics she knew by heart. She glanced at her watch, reading 10:59 am.

I’m a minute early. They should be here by now.

She let three more songs play as she continued to observe the people going in and out the school campus dressed gaily in their civilian outfits. She glanced again at her watch.

They’re late. It’s 11:20. They said meet up at 11.

She merely sighed. This was not something new. Even before they had graduated, her classmates have been know for going with the Philippine time, which as arriving 2 or 3 hours later than than the said meeting time. A few of her high school teachers walked past the classroom where she sat and one of them acknowledged her. She smiles and waves back in return as she stands to greet him by the classroom door.

“Ms. Vargas, welcome back!”
“Merry Christmas, Mr. Jones. You’re as flashy as ever.” Mr. Alfred F. Jones, her Literature teacher during tenth grade, grinned, his glasses shining from the reflection of the sun’s rays.

“You’re looking as striking as anyone, Ms. Vargas.”
“Save the compliments for Mrs. Kirkland, Sir. She’ll be needing that more than I ever will. How is it with her, by the way?” As Mr. Jones was about to reply, a faraway voice cut off whatever else she had to say as the voice was calling out for him. He simply chuckled.

“Duty calls, Ms. Vargas. See you when I see you.” then he turned and strode after the group of faculty waiting for him by the staircase. She watched them leave, her smile never leaving her face as the last head disappeared from sight. Her smile faded and she glanced at her watch yet again.

11: 35. This is stupid.

But stupid is what she does and waits for the rest of them to come or at least a text or call. Then her phone buzzes in her bag. She jumps then anxiously reaches for her phone. The caller ID read one of her classmates’ names. She slid her phone open and checked the message.

“where you at?”

Where do you think? “take a gooood guess. I’m alone, dammit.”
It took two songs before she received the replay and she saw did not please her.

“gil’s still in the gym”


Somehow something in her snapped as she digested the message she just received. She ran through the previous night’s planning over the chatbox.

Lovina: What time tomorrow guys? So I can fit it in my schedule.
Gilbert: How ‘bout 11 am tomorrow? It’s the end of the students’ Christmas party and the nearing of the faculty party.
Toni: Good idea. We’ll meet you all there.
Lovina: Then lunch wherever the wind takes us.
Francis: Unplanned moments are the best after all.

After the conversation, she bid her goodnight and went off to playing her games the rest of the evening right after she encoded the alarm for tomorrow’s affair. The next morning, she arose even before her alarm went off. It was the normal kid of day, as if she had classes. She wasn’t excited, of course not. It’s just that it’s been a while since she’s been around her high school classmates. A lot of things happened in high school; a lot of good things and bad things. She would be lying if she said she missed her high school classmates. Truth be told, the only reason she was going was because one of their companions was a member of her group of friends, the rest didn’t matter that much. Unfair as it may seem, she was never the kind of person who was close to her classmates. In their first year, she kept to herself, always indulging herself in books and in her studies. She was bullied for being able to speak English better than the rest as well as a bunch of other languages, particularly her native tongue, Italian. So to say she missed her classmates would be a big lie more than any exaggeration.

But they were in college now. And no matter how bad a company they were to her from her point of view, they had some good points to them that made her high school experience somewhat, though briefly enjoyable. And besides...

They must’ve changed one way or another.
Or at least I have.

Back to the present, her gaze remained fixed on the small screen where there flashed a few letters that sent her blood curling. She wanted to reply in a sarcastic tone; a tone so sarcastic, it’ll make her classmates come running if they didn’t want the world to end there and then. She would begin typing, but would delete it when she felt guilt surface.

What’s wrong with you, Lovi? You shouldn’t be hesitating like this. Speak up! You are an embarrassment to your degree.

But something told her to save the sarcasm for later for when she really got pissed, so she sent something a little more cutesy (but she made sure to still add that sarcastic touch).

“haha lol okay. I’ll run home for a bit and grab me some lunch. They end at 12:30 and faculty party is at 2. Text me, seriously, i don’t want to be MIA again.”

She closed her phone in frustration and strode out the gate taking the first tricycle. Her earphones plugged in her ears playing a band song. Usually she would be tapping her feet to the beat of the drums, but the anger, thought little was still there. She could feel tears wanting to flow down the contours of her face, but something was stopping them. She was no longer the kind of person to cry in front of others, not even in front of her own family, not after what happened during the first years in high school. Now she absolutely despises any show of weakness and immaturity and would only show them if she was in solitude. But she was alone now with the sound of the tricycle to mask her loud sniffing.

But they remained trapped within her.

Once she got home, she quickly opened her laptop and started playing computer games. However something was different this time around. She was losing here and there. Quite unlike her who won a game after three tries or less. She was starting to lose patience. Add that to the frustration she felt just this morning. Once she lost at a very easy round, she finally had enough and she quickly exited her game and closed her PC. Simultaneously her phone buzzed, causing the table to vibrate. She picked it up and slid open to reveal her classmate, Gil messaged her.

“see you at the faculty.”

But she was unstoppable now. She turned off her phone and took off her clothes, changing them into house clothes then she turned on her pocket internet and started tweeting. She tweeted and tweeted until she could not say anymore and then she felt the ghost of sleep visit her. She fell asleep with her phone by her side.

In her dreams, there, she cried her tears.

Psssssh.

The sound of running water bounced off the glass walls of the one-person bathroom. I took in the warmth of moderate hot and cold water had to offer as they trickled down my body as I ran through the events of the day and our requirements for the next semester, simultaneously chasing away the memory of that Spanish idiot and my oh-so-dearly-beloved fratellino. I put out the first sign of emerald eyes and unwavering smile from my memories before I start to see more and then feel depressed all over again. I come out of the shower, fresh and determined to finish all that I had to do today and tomorrow when my goddamn phone rings and whoop-dee-doo. It’s none other than the Tomato Bastard himself and his contact picture staring dreamily at me. My knees weakened to jelly and my mind started running the idea of answering the phone. Then his hands on his contact picture caught my attention and the memory of the morning which I had tried so desperately to erase from my mind suddenly came back and I found myself madder than I was before. I press the reject button and turned off the power before I could change my mind. I threw it on the bed and reached for my desk chair and started working.

For a few hours, my study was doing great and by the stroke of 8, I was able to finish the paper we had due tomorrow. When I study, I usually have my earphones plugged in to block out any external sound that could swerve my concentration. I direct this to my next door dormer who’s roommate is also his lover and the walls were thin so you could literally hear everything going on. Tonight as well was one of their session nights and I had my music on maximum volume. That was probably the reason why I didn’t hear the sound of tapping feet and my door opening. I had only realized it when hands came from behind me. Surprised, I jumped off my seat and kicked the chair backwards earning a moan of pain from the intruder.

“Who the fuck---Tonio!? What the hell are you doing in my room!?”

“H-hey~!”

“Don’t you ‘hey~!’ me! Can’t you fucking knock? And what the hell are you doing in here in nothing but your boxers!?” I turned to my right and opened the white wooden closet door and retrieved a simply blue short sleeved shirt. I mumbled a curse to myself, slowly realizing I was falling for the Tomato Bastard’s antics again.

Really. You’d think you learn after getting this far. I didn’t look up.

“I’m sorry Lovi for anything wrong I did today.” For what, bastard?

I continued to pretend to rummage through my clothes, trying to find him a decent shirt that could fit him.

“You know how I am. My mind almost always floats someplace else and I forget to act my age. So for whatever I did today, I’m very sorry.” I sighed.

Just as I thought. He doesn’t understand.

I turned to him, ready and determined to tell him off, curse him with all I had but all my anger dissipated as I saw a tall tan college man with a hell of a ripped abdomen (Curse those caressable abs and chest) whose face bore that of a puppy being scolded by his master. All my anger dissipated in that one second and inwardly I cursed myself yet again for always giving in so easily.

Dammit Lovino. You have to stop doing this.

I look away once again just to hide the obvious red spreading throughout my face and threw a red and yellow shirt to his direction. Without looking at him, I murmured to him.

“Put these on. It’s cold tonight.

“O-Oh. Th-Thank you, Lovi~!” Lose the cheerful voice, why dontcha?

“Whatever. In the first place, why are you even here without a top?!” The silence of rustling cloth urged me to turn around as a sign that he had finished changing. He was looking at me with a small smile and looking (not gazing) at him now made me realize something: He was wearing one of my own clothes. This was fucking unfair. I quickly looked away but returning to the cluttered mess on my table.

“Well? When are you going to leave?” He remained silent for a few seconds than began.

“I haven’t even gotten what I needed, Lovi.”

“So what do you want? “

"Did I do something to make you mad?” Lovino whirled towards his direction and blinked twice.

“Huh? What the hell are you talking about?” If I had the guts to get mad at you, I would have done it sooner to keep my feelings intact.

“It’s just that you practically avoided me the entire day. When I came up to you during lunch, you leaped up from your seat and left your food not even half finished.”

“I was full. And I had classes to attend to.”

“And I tried waving at you when our eyes met, you turned away...”

“I didn’t see you.”

“And now you’re not even looking at me while we’re talking.”

My hands stop with whatever they’re doing and I fall silent. “I’m just tired that’s all.”

“No you’re not."

“I am.”

“Lovi. You’ve been avoiding me for the last few weeks. How can that be tired?”

I slam both my fists on my desk in annoyance. “Would you just listen to me for once?! I’m telling you, I’m fine!” I no longer realized my tone was rising and Toni was slowly backing away. I soon realized my mistake. I faltered.

“I’m sorry. It’s just...It’s nothing.”

I said glumly looking glancing at his phone wallpaper which contained him and my brother both smiling sweetly. The sudden urge to ask him ran through my mind. Before I could even convince myself it wasn’t worth the pain, the words simply flowed freely.

“What do you think of my brother?” Oh dear Lord, please kill me now! There was dead silence between as he just continues to stare at me, obviously astonished by the question. I quickly stammered, trying to regain my composure.

“You know what? It’s fine. Forget I asked.”

“I like him!”

“...what?”

“I like Feli.” Time stopped at that instant and I froze on the spot. Suddenly, I wished I could turn back time and stop myself from asking that question. Unfortunately, time is not friend of mine as I stood there waiting for a miracle.

“Ah, but...”

“Of course you do! Why wouldn’t you like Feliciano? I mean he’s cute and small and just so fucking fluffy. Of course...of course...”

What were you thinking, Lovino Vargas? A small whimper escaped my mouth as I started shoving the Spaniard out the door.

“L-Lovi?! What...hey!”

“Go the fuck out already, bastard!”

“L-Lovi...?”

“You come in here and disturb me while I work only to enthusiastically talk to me about how lovey-dovey you are with my little brother. Dammit!” I didn’t realize how heavy Antonio was and he need not care for there were other things to worry about.

Such as the evident tears close to falling from the contours of my face.

Toni staggers and trips from the border lining the Italian’s dorm room. I couldn't see but I could tell he's still outside the door looking at it, debating whether or not to knock on my door and to ask for an explanation but is cut off by the ear splitting slam of the door in his face. He stands there, unable to say anything but to bow his head and walk away in confusion, racking his brain as to what really was going on with me. That's just the type of person he is. And I was a fool to believe he'd only do it for me.

On the other side of the door, I wait for the footsteps to disappear before completely breaking down in tears. Once gone, the only left to hear was the stifled sounds of sobbing and the loud thumping of my heart. I knew it all along. Why did I have to ask? What was I? A masochist?



What the hell were you thinking, Vargas? What. The. Hell.

I've been busy the past few days since I'm currently in college right now. But I've been up and running with the updates on my fanfics and of course with Arashi (Hurray for their Japonism!) So here's a Yama I've been working on for a while now. I'll try my best to update as fast as I can. Love Lots guys <3 Sorry for the cussing found here. Hihi.

Everyone stops and stands still when we hear a loud thud from the far back. WE all turn to the sound of any heavy object fallen down only to be amused with the sight of a particular member of Arashi on his buns on the floor, his face contorted in pain and was caressing his lower back. The four of us let out a snicker at the familiar sight and stop when he throws us a pissed of glare. He gets busy standing up but can’t seem to do it and lets out a sigh of annoyance. I chuckle and dash toward the fallen Sakurai, his slopping shoulders slowly coming into view.

“Are you alright, Sho-kun?” I bend down to inspect the damage. I hear the footsteps of the remaining three rush towards us, still trying to repress the laughter nearly escaping them. “You’re not that hurt, are you Sho?”

I extend my hand to help him up and he takes it after a few seconds of hesitation.

“I’m fine Riida. Just great.”

Nino pops from behind me and gives a short chuckle. “He’s always done this, he’s gotten so used to it.”

“Zip it, Ninomiya.” and proceeds to giving him a pissed of glare. Ninomiya throws his hands up and backs off, going back to practice.

“That asshole’s so gonna get it from me. Just wait till you’re the one on your buns. I’ll tell the entire Jimusho how stupid you looked. Hell, I’ll even take a picture and print lots of copies of it and hang it all over the hallways. Wait till the Jr’s see those, huh!?”

Nino quickly spins around a a joking look on his face. He let’s his tongue out. “If that’ll EVER happen. Although, honestly I doubt it could.”

“Just you wait, Ninobitch.”

“Watch it, Sakudick.”

You could literally see the sparks of electricity light between them. And before they could do any damage, Jun and Aiba quickly grabs the two, Jun holding Sho and Aiba holding his bestfriend.

“Break it up you two!” They both said in unison while struggling “The concert’s in three weeks and we haven’t got this choreography down pat! Riida do something!”

I just stood there and watched, at a loss of what to do. I was Arashi’s Riida but, I never was one for doing any action. It would usually be the others doing stuff for me, leading the conversations. True, I would sometime be in charge of things, like our choreography, everyone looks to me in the instant. Other than that, I was the silent type. And the one usually doing all the talking would be, Sho. Sho the klutz, Sho who can’t cook. Sho who could never make it to the top of the cliff.

Precious Sho. Precious, precious Sho.



-------------------------------



I was never the better dancer. Between the rest of Arashi, I was the klutz. I had the image of a manly figure but a failure at everything and anything physical. And I will not deny how bad I am at it. It was an image I was willing enough to share with the fans and for my job. But there comes times where I can see the limit of my built up image slowly coming into view. During those times, Ohno would be there to constantly remind me to always take it easy and I struggled in the arms of MatsuJun who was desperately trying to keep me from hitting Nino straight in the face, all the while keeping my focus on Riida who stood there, flustered and obviously at the loss at what to do, yet Aiba and Jun still trying to get Ohno to do something. His face is blank and then he lets out the most adorable laughs of laughs.

Ah, he was never the active kind of person in the group. He has his ways in the spotlight but most of the time he is seen as a quiet person. Never speaking unless spoken to. Yet when he opens his mouth, the words that come out blend so beautifully with his harmonic voice. It was truly wonderful. I could listen to it all day. Even as Nino and I were split apart, my eyes wandered to Riida and what he was doing. I literally melted when he stood beside me, all smiles and understanding. The Kaze trio left to get something to eat from the other studio, and probably to have fun with the juniors and the seniors, while Riida and I were left alone and we sat on the wooden floor of the studio while we wait for the three of them.

“You sure you’re alright?”

“I thought I told you I’m fine.” He moved away and just nodded in agreement.

“Okay then.”

“Sorry, I’m messing up a lot lately. It’s slowing everyone down.” Beside me, a short chuckle escaped his lips and I stared at him like I thought I wasn’t being serious. He dabbed imaginary tears away.

“I’m sorry. It’s just you take Nino too seriously. You know how he can be.” “Still, I feel bad about it, Riida.”

“You’ve always been like this.”

“Like what?” I looked at him questioningly.

“Always taking the blame for everything even if you don’t have to. That’s very Sho-kun like.”

I felt myself blush all the way to my ears at the compliment he just shot at me. I wanted to say something cool, just to try to keep up the cool guy act. But all the came out was a simple, “Uh...”

‘”Uh...”’? Is that all you can do, you bumbling idiot?!

“I know!” I snapped out of my reverie as an enthusiastic Riida briskly stood up and took my hand. As if the compliment he just gave away wasn’t enough to make me red in the face, I completely turned into a tomato with a simple gesture like holding hands. Well, technically we are.

“Kn-know what?”

“I’ll be your personal mentor!” He replied, his eyes shining as bright as a million stars.

“Ha?!”

“I know the choreography better than anyone of us. Well duh, since I choreographed it. But anyway, I could give you a crash course! I’ll help you personally with all the dancing the steps the timing even help you improve the other dances in time for the Digitalian. It’s perfect!”

“You’d do that for me?”

“Of course, Sho-kun! You’re very special to me!” He said with a huge grin on his face. But true to my nature, I quickly attempt to decline. “You don’t have to do that! I can just add in more effort when I get back home. You have a lot of things to do.”

“Nonsense! I want to do this. And I thought it would be a good chance for the old folks to go out together once in a while.”

At this, I agreed. I still kept on mumbling at how he shouldn’t be wasting his time helping me, and he would spout some ridiculous excuse while flashing me his smile. And every time, my heart would skip a beat. I might have been complaining, but inside, I thought my heart and practically every single one of my organs began their own rave party.



--------------------

It was a shot in the dark. I knew he would try to reject me, tell me he wasn’t worth the time and that he would try to do better. It was just like him to do that but I wasn’t hearing any of it. I was lucky enough to actually blurt out a pretty good excuse to get him to agree despite the nerves churning in and out of my stomach. He finally said yes after a few (maybe even more) tries.

“So when do you want to start, Sho?”

“Huh? Why ask me?”

“Well you might be busy and I wouldn’t want to get in the way.”

“A-Anytime is fine really. You won’t get in the way. Just make sure to tell me in advance, okay?” I beamed with glee. Knowing Sho and his busy schedules, and not surprisingly organized schedule, he would never want something foreign, and I mean FOREIGN, to enter into his intricate collection of time tables and accurate measurements. The very idea I got him to accept my invitation, was more than an honor. If anything, I think it made me blush at the thought that he would make time for me. I couldn’t say anything much but just nod happily.

“Then keep your schedule tomorrow evening open, okay?”

“What? Tomorrow evening? Why?”

“Oh and...” I leaned in closer to him, just enough for our noses to touch each other. “...no turning back now, Sho.” I say in a sing-song voice. I lean back and quickly run out the practice room, lightly leaving a mark on Sakurai’s cheek, blushing from ear to ear.

So! This is the full summary of me as a fan, a writer and as Remi.



My real name isn't Chien. It's not Remi either. Compare both names however, you would be able to see my name. Born November 5, 1998, I'm 16 going on 17. Currently in college attending the state university with the course BA Communication Arts. I've been a fangirl the moment I learned of the existence of anime when I came across an anime channel around third grade Ever since then, I've been an avid fan and I still am. My main genres before were shoujo and adventure, but delving deeper into the fam, I learned the beautiful existence of Yaoi and thus became a fujoshi (I'm a proud one too). With that as my background, I was able to become a Hetalian. Fave ships? FrUK, Spamano, PruCan, GerIta, DenNor, and USUK. But I ship whichever ship cuz all ships are precious.

Becoming an Arashian took a little longer since I only became a fan last year of October (so yes. I'm turning one year old next month). I'ma Junbait due to watching Hana Yori Dango, but I became a solid Sho-fan. I mean, how could I not? The guy is just adorable and he's a good guy who has a sense of responsibility and the mature mind. He's literally #BoyfriendGoals. I also ship within Arashi. Ohmiya, Sakumiya, Sakuraiba, Juntoshi: you name it, I ship it. Like literally. I love ships. I do.

I started writing when I was in 4th grade, though I remember how crappy my first work was, but people fairly liked it, and so I tried to improve and endured the painful process of learning the art of prose. I play music. I love books. And is very much into the social sciences. I'm gearing up to be a journalist/doctor/author. That's my dream. And with the upcoming 2020 Olympics, I'm more than fired up to get my lucky break from there.

Oh yeah, I'm mostly quiet since I need the silence to brood manuscripts and run the possible scenarios if ever I meet my fansisters and my idols in person. I have my reasons, okay? xDD So yeah, this is pretty much me.

By the way, if you ever come across this blog and happen to like my works, you can go ahead and give me suggestions. Want me to write a story as a gift to you? Then feel free to message me, and I'll see what I can do. If you guys wanna say something about my stories, then feel free to give me your feedback. I appreciate readers more when they critique my work. After all, criticism can be a good teacher.

...that's it, I guess... If you wanna know more, again, feel free to message me. Add me as a friend if you want to. Don't be scared guys. I may eat a lot, but I don't eat mortals.
Love Lots~! <3

-Chien Rouge

There was a stirring beside me and as a whiff of breeze wept through me. My eyelids felt heavy and my throat was parched. I’m pretty sure my eyes were closed, but I could

pretty much tell the feel of the sun’s warmth on them. I felt the stirring again, this time with a faint sound being murmured.

“...Sho...I love you...”

I suddenly shot up at the voice and the words that were said, ruffling the sheets. I was too bothered by what I had just heard to even notice the now beginning to surge through pain somewhere in my body.

And then I felt it. In the one place I never expected it to be, yet found reasonable to be.

A stinging pain on my bottom. I screamed and winced and landed flat on my right, earning a muffled sound from something fleshy underneath.

Wait. Flesh?

My hands involuntarily moved towards a spot close to my head. I was still in the comfort of my bed, and covered by the blanket. This hand touched the fleshy surface and moved it from on point to the other. What was more surprising was the moan I received in return.

I didn’t dare to look up, as the events of last night suddenly started to sink in.

“The night’s still young, Sho.”

I blushed a hundred times red and slowly proceeded to removing my hand and my head from where it were, however both were pulled back down by two strong hands taking my head in one hand and my hand in his other as he seductively whispered near my ear.

“Don’t stop now, Sho. You looked like you were enjoying it.” I flushed at the deep bedroom voice and suddenly hoped I would just go back to sleep and pretend nothing ever happened.

But lo and behold, I just lay stiff as rock, unable to form the right words.

“Sho?”

With all my strength (and embarrassment), I jerked backwards and pushed my sleeping companion away. I must have put in a little too much oomph in it as I heard the ruffling ofbed sheets falling to the other side of the bed followed by a loud thud.

The silence was deafening.


“Why are you the mad one, Sho? You weren’t the one pushed of the bed!
“Oh shut up, asshole! Why are you even on my bed!? MY bed!”
“Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten? After all the sweet sounds you made while I---”
“IF YOU DON’T STOP RIGHT NOW I MIGHT JUST PUSH YOU OFF THE WINDOW.”

He slid closer to me and took me by the chin. He lifted it up so our eyes would meet. “If you dislike it so much, why aren’t you pushing me away now?”

All of the sudden, all the strength I thought I already had evident in the shove I gave him was suddenly gone as he crashed our lips together, drowning both of us in our first good morning kiss. I let myself relax as our tongues danced inside each others’ mouths, hungrily feeding off on whatever strength the other had. Once the kiss was broken, we were a panting mess.

Tired, yes. Happy? Most definitely.

For a few seconds all we did was stare into the eyes of another, both of us grinning like idiots. Even I knew it was not my nature to be happy over something sappy. But realizing this was something I wanted and wished for so long, I was pretty satisfied with the flow of events. Unknowingly, I found myself laughing in spite of myself. It was true when I said I had unconsciously wanted him to hold me as much as he had and to continue to. I wouldn’t mind. In the end, we were both holding back. Why we did that, it’s a mystery to me now. None of us had wanted to stay apart, but the course of life instructed us to. As we kissed one more time, I felt all the restrictions he had once held thrown out the window.

Every single regret he once had didn’t matter anymore and not surprisingly, so was mine. We ended the kiss reluctantly and I let out a small sigh and flashed Nino a smile.

“Good morning, stupid attendant.”

“Good morning, Sho.”

The events that transpired right after are lost to me.

But I’m pretty sure I was more than happy to have my unspoken contract finally signed.

“...-ster...Master...Young Master...Sho!”



A faraway voice urged me to wake from my slumber and lazily flap my eyelids open. It took a while for me to fully recognize my surroundings, having been accustomed to the total darkness. At first, all I saw was a blurry mosaic picture but slowly, the shape of a familiar glass chandelier hanging overhead made deduced me to believing I was in my room, in the comfort of my own home. I swiveled my head from side to side to make sure I really was in my room, but I had no doubt in my mind I was at home.

I returned to looking at the ceiling feeling safe when I sense something stirring beside me. By my bedside, a black fuzzy head lay asleep right next to my left side. I try to stand up to try and make sense of who it was beside me and to maybe punch some sense into him if ever he tried to get on my bedside. Raising my hand and balling it into a fist but stopped short.

“...Sho.”

It was enough for me to lose the power in my fist and revert it into a somewhat gentler caress.


“What the hell do you want. Nino?” I say quietly.
He must have heard me as I felt the other jerk and he slowly raises his head, locking eyes with mine.

From how he looked, Nino had stayed close to me the entire time I recuperated. He had bags under bloodshot eyes. You’d think he was high. His hand gripped mine and his mouth twitched trying to form words. I was still too tired to fully voice out my thoughts, but I will reprimand him once I get that back.

Nino started to slowly move away. He stood up and took the wet towel resting on my forehead and dipped it into the bowl with ice floating on water. As he took it from my head, I noticed him quivering lightly. I looked at him questioningly and when I tried to sit up, he dropped the towel inside the bowl and scrambled to get me back down lying on my bed.

“Young Master, please don’t push yourself.” He tried to shove me back down, but I stiffened and I wouldn’t give in so now he was the one with a questioning look on his face. He let out an exasperated sigh as he finally complied once I shot him a death glare and continued fiddling with my wet towel still submerged in the water.


“Don’t tell me what to do, stupid attendant. I’m not some fragile piece of glass.”
“I acknowledge that fact very much, Young master. You’ve proved it to me that night.”

That night?


“Why do you---” I stop midway through my sentence and jump to the sound of splashing water. Nino knelt by my bedside, my blanket moving to his direction from his hands gripping it and moving it down with his weight.

“You shouldn’t do that, young master. Going off on you own like that. What would’ve happened if we hadn’t saved you in the nick of time, hm?”

“N-Nino. I’ve only been asleep for a day, it’s not as if I lapsed into a deep slumber.”

He raised his head and looked to me with a serious look in his eyes. “You’ve been asleep for three days.”



“I...what?” I stammered. I quickly located my digital clock and checked the date. It was true: I HAD been asleep for three days! And Nino wasn’t crying. He had been awake, watching me for three days without even a wink of sleep.



“Nino, I...---”

“You’re as stupid as you were back in the day.” He scoffed at the end sentence.

“Excuse me?” A hint of annoyance evident in my voice.

“You were stubborn and you wouldn’t listen when I told you not to peer too close to the the lake. By the end of the day, you would and you’d end up drenched and dripping and I’d get a mouthful from Old Man Mike.”


I was pretty hyped about the idea of freedom after all.

“You’d run and eventually trip on small rocks even when I told you again and again to watch where you were going. You were a handful even from before and I thought you would settle down when you grew up so I put up with it.”

As he continued to reminisce on the old days, his face twisted into a mix of a pissed off parent who’s child did not turn out the way they raised him and an annoyed friend that has had enough of his pal’s crazy shenanigans.

“Well...I did...”

“And then you just drop your guard and let yourself get kidnapped.” He started slowly rising and inching his way closer to me. His eyes now contained a dangerous glint. I move backwards only to find myself entrapped on both sides by his arms acting like some kind of prison cell.

“You already have my utmost attention, so what more do you want?” The blood rose to my face as the weight of his words started to dawn on me. I lifted my arms to push him away, but he quickly grabs me by both wrists and with the strength of his body, pushed me down on the bed, ruffling the sheets beneath us. I put up a struggle, but his weight and with the fatigue that still remained evident in my system, that was a plan gone wrong.

“What the hell, Nino?! I’m incapacitated here! This is foul play!”

“I know.”

“Then get the fuck off already!”

“You were as incapacitated when those assholes nabbed you from the garden, weren’t you?!” He maintained the eerie calm in his voice however with an added threat to it. “I believe you have enough willpower to withstand me.



Then something struck me as odd.

How did he know I was taken from the garden? I don’t recall him running after me.

And then a thought, although maddening, hit me. And when I realized that that could’ve been the only way, I sick feeling settled in my gut.


“You...” I gathered all my strength and put it in my arms to push his weight off of me. “YOU SAW EVERYTHING!


He was quiet for a second as he continued to stare at me with his unchanging eyes and when he finally opened his mouth, I wished I had a knife sitting in the palm of my hand.

“I saw everything.” He said, slowly.


“My vision blurred and the anger already present began to flare up even more. “You saw...and you just WATCHED?!”

“I thought it was the right thing to do.”

“Don’t fuck with me!”

“I’m not. Not yet that is.”

“You simply stood there and watched me get kidnapped and brought to some unknown location and yet you did nothing?! What were you thinking?! I nearly died! You practically betrayed me!”

“You nearly died, but you DIDN'T die. That in itself is a difference.”

“That’s not a good enough excuse for you just watching me get kidnapped. You fucked up the one job of protecting me and---!”


“Tell me then, what good would it have done had I come down and took those guys head on? I would be in the same boat as you and we’d have an equal chance of dying. I acted out what was the wiser of the two and had the men take you along with the tracker I installed in your coat. I think my course of action deserves a little more gratitude rather than the whining of a spoiled little master!”

“If you think I’m spoiled, then why don’t you leave?!”

“Because it’s my job.”



I had known the answer even before he had said it, but the moment the very words left his mouth, I was reduced to a bumbling idiot unable to form the right words, and my chest hurt like hell.

We were silent, and I simply bent my head down to stiffle the sounds. I was probably as disappointed as I was going to get as I hadn’t realized he had addressed me by name again.



“Sho?”

“Job?” Of course it’s your job. It’s obvious. Why’d I have to go and ask some stupid question? Why...?”



And then the dam burst.



“Sho!? Why are you crying!?” He held out his arms to take me in an embrace and I shrug them away. “Hey...”

“Enough with your excuses! What the hell do you want from me exactly?! You could resign but you didn’t You rile me up and make me think you stayed because you actually care. But in the end it’s just your JOB.”

“What are you talking about? Of course I care! I...”

“If you wanted to do your job, you shouldn’t have acted like I was worth more than just you ‘spoiled young master’!”


I hadn’t realized the gravity of what I had just foolishly blurted out. It wasn’t until I saw the expression of shock Nino had did the blood rush to my face and I was blushing a thousand shades of red.



“Ah...I mean...that’s not...”

“You brought this upon yourself, Sho.”And his lips left mine as quickly as it came. “No turning back now.”



Oh shit.